Birth Pains

“For the first time in my life, I understand the concept of home: it is not a refuge, not necessarily a snuggly place of warmth and cheery domesticity, not some essential rightness like the satisfying click that releases a lock, but rather a sense of peace with contradiction. It is a giving in, an acceptance, … Continue reading Birth Pains

On What I did not Expect

I don’t know quite what I expected.   For the longest time (and I know how lucky we are that for us, that only meant months, not years), we’d been planning for this pregnancy, working as hard as we could emotionally to conceive our miracle, fighting the despair that threatened to overwhelm anything positive about … Continue reading On What I did not Expect

Writing against the silence

  I have a very happy, complicated relationship with writing.  It is at once very personal, in the ways that only the places you can call home are, and very public, in the way that professional ambition can be.  Writing has always been a place for me to take the pieces of my life, sorrowful … Continue reading Writing against the silence

The ‘I’ Word

There’s a word I’ve been religiously avoiding using in all my conversations, and writing about this experience, and the word is this: infertility.   I avoid it partly because our doctor is yet to use it to refer to either of us (medically, officially, you are only allowed to assign it after a couple have … Continue reading The ‘I’ Word

Myth Busting the Baby Dreaming

  Somewhere along the way, it dawned on me that there will be absolutely no zen-ning this out.  All of the wisdom, all of the stuff I’m reading, all the message boards I’m on, all the conversations with our doctors – I mean every thing – tells us to just relax.  Rome wasn’t built in … Continue reading Myth Busting the Baby Dreaming